There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
