so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
