I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
