I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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