Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
