I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My cat gives me a boner
honey bunches of taint.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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