Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
