everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
