i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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