A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
