saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
