I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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