Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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