I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
