i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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