when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
