Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
