i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
