What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
