3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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