Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
