I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
