After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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