bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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