His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
