All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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