So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
