Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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