So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
