Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
worst night to have a conscience
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
