just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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