Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
