apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
