My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
