i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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