she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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