at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
