Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize