She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
