Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
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She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize