She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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