the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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