we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
