Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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