3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
