I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
