found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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