why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
