..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
