32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When did angry sex become our thing?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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