I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
