...so i touched it.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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