she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
