Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
