Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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