bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
