i permit you to call me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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