kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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