I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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