dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
