I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
