my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize