Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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