Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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