You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
