Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
