I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
