Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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