dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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