peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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