You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
