Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
