She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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