Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
