i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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