my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
