If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
