Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
