You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
