Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
