my mouth tastes like poor choices
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize