Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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